Footprints in the snow

It's been a few weeks without proper posts on this blog. Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know. I've been busy elsewhere addressing my issues in a way I've never approached them before. That's a huge step I guess, even more I hope it'll eventually lead me forward. Sometimes I'm not so sure about that... but maybe having doubts is a part of the process? (please, say it is).
So I'm currently (and so far without the knowledge of my family) having sessions at a crisis/trauma counsellor associated to an adult abuse victims support group. I guess there is a lot a say about this, or maybe not. The first session was tough. Trying to find words on images and emotions and tell my story eye to eye isn't exactly my strongest part. Yet I somewhat pulled through. The following sessions was even worse. I even dread say they (so far) has been absolutely horrible. But I've been explained that going to the bottom with kept and buried issues of blame and particularly shame, unfortunately that is a painful process. There's no way around it. I just hope the outcome will make up for the efforts.

So what do I hope to achieve? The goal is simple, I suspect some reading this will rule me out as seriously disturbed. Well you're probably correct in that assumption. I want to set my perspectives right. I'm tired of feeling like I need to excuse myself for being the one I am. I want to claim my life back. That's it. You can stop laughing now. I have no idea how long this will take. When I think of it, it took me thirty years to reach this point so maybe it's easy to suspect it might take awhile. Well I'm not going anywhere...

Still. I the middle of it all. Life goes on. It has a tendency to do just that.

It's the kids and their friends, The Gf and all that. Dreams and hopes. I had a serious haircut yesterday. When I showed up at work this morning my workmates had a lot of fun on my behalf, some suggested I had sent an evil clone instead of myself. I just wish. Even a few random (but frequent) customers commented upon my new look, luckily in a much nicer way. Damnit, it's just a stupid haircut! What if it looks like I'm really longing for summer? For the record; I am.

I mean, I can seriously do without this view. So now you had it... a ration of my whining. Everything is the same, I haven't changed. Great. Tomorrow my parents have invited us over for lunch. The day after they're off on a three week South American trip/tour, so I guess beside saying goodbye that lunch will be served accompanied with a request for us to look after their place while they're gone. I will happily volunteer for that task, some mail to bring in and my mother's jungle-like collection of flowers to water... then the piano is all mine. So yeah *raising my hand*, I'll do it mum!

Tonight it's just me and The Kid for supper. Possibly also his friend K who's currently here in the house messing with him. I haven't asked but I guess when I do K will happily share a bite with us. The Gf is off working late and The Young Man has left for some party with his friends. I have no idea when he'll be back, and I probably won't notice either. After working five days in a row on early shifts I feel absolutely drained and exhausted and I know will crash to bed pretty early. Hopefully before the sleep deprivation headache kicks in. A glass of red and I'm out. I'm cheap, right? Well there you have my "plans" for tonight, a random Friday in my life. Thrilling eh. :-)

I guess that's it for now. Take care every one. Enjoy your weekend.

Much Love
Daniel