Reposted & Updated -- Noticeable company Christmas gifts

Yet another round at this slave ship named "Work" is soon completed. As usually there has been both horrible storms and nasty bloodsucking monsters threatening us on our voyage crossing the sea of Business. But just as the wrecking and mutiny has been close a few times so has also the days of coffee drinking and chill. Boredom, almost. Weirdly the lashing whip never goes away no matter the circumstances. If there is one constant, well there you have it!

Recently we had our traditional julbord (Christmas buffet), that's always a nice meal containing pretty much anything you expect put on a plate this time of year. Almost anyway. The alcohol was banned because serving drinks making people happy and able to blank out slave-miseries even for a few minutes are so any against all company policies. So julmust there was instead. But it's okay, I don't mind.
Then after the meal we had (at least for me and my screwed humour) the highly anticipated distribution of this years Christmas gift. That's something of a tradition too, it's never anything major or a massive bonus (please - maybe SOME year?!), more something supposed to be seen as a token of appreciation. A few times the stuff put in the little box to unwrap has honestly turned out to be just crap, however sometimes the little gift has actually been something usable.
I've heard of companies skipping the xmas-employee-gift thingy and all money initially budgeted for this purpose has been given to charity instead. It's a great thing to do and I think I like that idea. Think. I'm not sure because I've never been put through that, I've never been hired by a company actually having a conscience and heart for others ;)

Anyway.

I seriously suspect there must be some important committee figuring out what to buy as company gift - and why. You see, it has to be a reason, a purpose, a hidden meaning lying underneath. It just has to be!!

//

In no particular order:

One year we had a cheapish copy of the famous Swiss army knife. Red and shiny but with a different logo.
- The reason? Ha! Easy one!! As it is forbidden by law to carry knives in public places the management wanted us all arrested.

A set of pocket binoculars
- "You might need this one to try spot your raise" / We all got THAT message for sure.

The tool set containing screwdrivers a wrench and a nipper
- "If you break something - fix it yourself. We just sacked the repairman." / They did!

The wrist watch
- "Don't be late you lazy bastards!!" or possibly "Don't try sneak home early!" / HA! Didn't help! We kept on coming and going as it pleased.

The sport bag
- "Put your stuff in this one and leave!" / Didn't work. We all stayed with the one single mission to taunt the management.

The fleece cover
- "Have you seen the current oil price?? We don't intend to buy oil to the heater this winter. Wrap yourself in this one and maybe you won't freeze to death" / Survived! But it was damn cold.

The fleece bathrobe
- "Sorry, the oil doesn't seem to go cheaper this winter..." / Survived yet another winter.

The kitchen knife set
- "The extended personal commitment starts now. We are kind enough to provide the necessary tools for your Seppuku if you fail at work"  / The knives were crap and couldn't even cut spaghetti without going blunt, the cutting board a bit better. Still use it at home.

The 50/50 torch
- "We decided to skip the gifts but changed our mind the very last second. Here you have crappy cheap torches. Half of them work, half of them don't. Those working doesn't shine much anyway. Couldn't find anything else. Have fun" / A lot of people incl me refused this one. We later had an apology from the management.

The kitchen mixer. The inevitable warning sign was of course embedded and had to be removed before usage: Don't you dare chop your fingers off, remember we hired you in one piece! 
- "If you have any improvement suggestions, please put them in this machine and hit start because that's how much we care about your opinion" / Not surprised, already knew that. Still the mixer managed to produce frozen daiquiris decent enough to have me drunk. 

Not the toaster - the mixer; The corporate slave reward.

And this year (....drum roll...): a pair of black warm ski pants!
So what are these trying to imply? I figure this:"- The company climate are about to change. In what way? Not only will the roof height be adjusted (downwards). See this warming outfit as a hint of what else is to come" / Somehow I suspect 2012 will be an interesting year. But then, every year has surprised me. I have always thought we had reached the bottom... but no, it turned out it was possible to dig a little deeper.

I'm an ungrateful bastard, right? LOL

Anyway, with this post I wish you all a wonderful Christmas! Thank you for standing my whining and rambling nonsense. Kram!!

A cat ass in our Christmas tree

Much Love
Daniel